Depression

    I needed to come out and write about Depression. This is one horrible disease. I've passed through a Severe  depression myself. Now I  that I am a survivor of it. No one will understand the disease unless you walk in their shoes. When I tell people I had severe depression back in the days. They said you never acted like I was depress!

   As I'm writing this story I will keep it short. Depression started taking over me before 2005. IT got worse from the years I start to write about.

 Back in 2005, I just came back from my vacation in Greece. I realized I had a cold and I was loosing my hearing. When I got back I finally took the right medications and got better, but something still didn't come back. I could not hear so well. So, one day I told my husband something is wrong with my hearing I need to get it checked. Well, to my surprise I lost 70% of my hearing from both ears. So, what's next? Hearing aids. Boy, I hated wearing them. I tried to get used to them and it took a very long time. Besides, my hearing at the same time I found out I was pregnant with our 1st child. Instead, of being happy I was scared, sad, mad at God. Why, I lost my hearing at the same time I just had gotten pregnant.???

   To fast  forward my depression started to get worse.  After, my son I got pregnant again and miscarried my 2nd baby at 3 months. That took another hard hit on me. Depression started hitting me severe I got pregnant right away again with my 2nd son. I was trying to be happy again, but depression was taking an edge of me. I started to hate everything n MYSELF. After, birth I lost all my weight that I gained with my 2nd son. Slowly, depression was eating me inside it got worse. Depression made me to hate things around me. Deeply, I had gone to the darkest shadow in my life. Feeling lonely, hopeless, feeling I was putting to much weight on my family, felt unloved and so on.I had gone so bad with it that I even thought of taking my own life.Yes, the thought of taking my own life. I even tried to plan how to my own life.

    I realized that I haven't gone to church the way I used to nor I have prayed one time through all this ordeal. One night I opened my drawer and saw the bible and some other monastery books I had. Realized, right there I haven't prayed to God for any help. Why, because the devil was inside me trying to have me take my own life. I opened the book and started praying and tears came running down my cheeks. I begged deep down to God and asked him to forgive my sins and to help me. From that day on. I started to pray constantly, crying and repenting to Him for my sins. During, these days asking forgiveness Demons were constantly besides. THe ugly dreams had many nights. I kept my faith in God.

 After, a month of crying to him, praying for forgiveness and going to church.I started to feel calmer, peace and coming to realize life around me is truly beautiful! My husband was with me in all this. He tried so many ways to help me and when he saw that I started to pray, he joined in with me and together we started to take our family to church every Sunday.  Since, I started to fight my depression,  But something was still missing inside me. I was not happy on the way I looked and needed to come and tell people about my hearing problem. I gained 20lbs back through all this. My husband started looking into some natural ways to fight depression. He told me to exercise or find a hobby. Many many times he told me this, but I did not listen. Finally, I find out fish oil & St. John wart were good and natural supplements to fight depression. I did take St. Johns wart for only 2 weeks because I started to read bad reviews on it and the pill was huge for me to swallow. Since, I gained so much I knew I had to lose weight. Finally, broke down and got into a diet and exercise that I stuck to. It was hard at first but having faith in myself for the first time I knew I can do it!

   I remember clearly when I said this to my hubby and mother on October 1st, 2009. On October 2nd, 2009 I woke up took the boys to school and right away I started to walk. I walked every morning and evening. Along, with exercising I prayed a lot. I got up earlier every day to make sure I said my prayers before I went out and exercise. In 2.5 months I lost all my weight and felt a whole NEW life ahead of me. I want to Thank my husband who was with me through all this by my side. But what really helped me was praying and finding my true self and exercising!! I'm so thankful, I never took depression pills and I was able to beat my depression the natural way. One more thing I almost forgot to write. In the beginning of 2010, I told my hubby lets try for another child this year. He was scared that it might lead me to depression again, but I encourage him. In May of 2010 we found out we were expecting our 3rd child whom today is a healthy 8month old. I prayed &  exercised everyday through my pregnancy. I proved my husband that depression will not get me again.  Now He truly believes me and I really defeated my depression on my own.  As I said earlier I know a couple of people trying to outcome depression and I'm trying my best to be with them and help them get out of the dark shell.. I try to encourage them and tell them that they can do this without doctor's prescribing pills.

   Please. If you or someone you know is depressed, help them to get out of their dark shell. It is a very very dark lonely place to be in. The demons take over your life. God helped me when I started reaching out to him.
  He was there for me and also helped me realize I need to love myself first before I can love my family. Depression is a choice the person makes. I choice to live and fight the demons in me. Just like people t call themselves cancer survivors I tell them I am a suicide survivor.

  
  
 
Take your life day by day and with praying and repenting you will find your heart calmer & peaceful!

Thanks for reading

Marianthi